tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34250894866619706462024-02-08T09:14:43.376-05:00Millions of Atoms"When the tyranny of evil men is beset by the lamb, the dog will rise
to vanquish the suitors of the lion." -- I made this upMillions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-77684860877360067342017-10-20T14:08:00.000-04:002017-10-20T14:08:10.911-04:00Solidarity
At work last Tuesday I found myself with an urgent need to visit the restroom. “Number 2” as they say in most cartoons, daycare facilities and ladies auxiliary clubs. In my line of work I have to wear a badge that clearly identifies who I am at all times. The badge is attached to my belt with one of those stretchy spring loaded strings that can also be used to choke a full Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-33960409479965475902016-03-10T08:50:00.001-05:002016-03-10T08:50:41.244-05:00Fever DreamHi.
Not sure if anyone is still here. I lost this thing for a while. Just found it. It is always the last place you look right?
Since no one is reading, I can describe a crazy dream I woke up from this morning.
I was a movie producer and came up with the best possible idea for a movie. It combines pop culture, nostalgia, an A-list movie star and a potential for Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-77692934876323348092012-07-28T23:57:00.000-04:002012-07-29T11:42:46.851-04:00Conversation with my DaughterDaughter: Dad, what do Boy Scouts do?
Me: Discriminate against homosexuals and athiests?
Daughter: No, what do they do in the woods?
Me: I think they pretty much descriminate everywhere.
Daughter: I'm hungry.
Me: Hungry for Equality? Me too, Daughter. Me too.
*staring meaningfully into the distance while my Daughter picks her nose*Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-50408037238272029822012-07-05T09:33:00.002-04:002012-07-05T09:34:24.853-04:00Pest Control
During our 4th of July festivities yesterday, the
topic of pest control came up since at any given moment our heads were
surrounded by a swarm of gnats making us all look like walking mushroom clouds.
The conversation went exactly like
this. Exactly like this.
Me: *waving casually
at a pesky gnat* Wouldn’t it be grand if we could come up with a sort of
permanent solution Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-4741992699794966452011-10-14T09:58:00.002-04:002011-10-14T10:05:58.310-04:00Do’s and Don’ts on your next job interview“The economy is headed straight down the large pipe that carries all human fecal matter into our great oceans.”--Barack ObamaIf that quote doesn’t scare the shit out of you, nothing will. I am nothing if not a realist. There are many people out of work these days; even you. You are out of work. You may not know it yet, but you are. They just haven’t told you yet. You have been fired. Your Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-88586369937044116412011-10-04T15:58:00.002-04:002011-10-04T16:04:41.848-04:00Urgent Questions: XIVHow many times has the earth opened up under your feet and expelled hellacious demons and winged creatures screaming the cries of the eternally damned? Zero? Exactly. Will you go sleep in your own bed now?Did you ever have one of those days where you just waltz into your boss’ office and say “Hey baldy, I’d like to let you in on a little secret…*whispering* you had me at…*sob*…expense report. Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-48297911142253587912011-04-26T11:24:00.003-04:002011-04-26T11:31:02.054-04:00Q and AI’ve been away for a while, it is true. I just got back from a fact finding tour of Las Vegas. I found so many facts. So many. All of the facts revolve around prostitution, autoerotic asphyxiation, prisoner’s rights and jailhouse etiquette. I won’t bore you with the details.I thought it would be a good idea to reintroduce myself with a little Q and A session I recently did with Anderson Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-52924975231007992902011-02-04T09:16:00.002-05:002011-02-04T09:29:57.151-05:00More Letters from More Folks Just Like You!Happy '11 everyone! Twenty-eleven. Or two thousand eleven. Or Two. Zero. One. One. for all you computers reading today. So far I have had an eventful new year. I didn't just break my own resolutions, I broke everyone's resolutions in my immediate vicinity. I am like a tornado of resolution breaking strength. A Tsunami (pronounced "Tits-Nami") of resolution eviscerating glory. Anyway, I Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-59985987596558801252010-12-17T22:06:00.003-05:002010-12-17T22:14:41.765-05:00What I Want for Christmas-- Barbie Dream Plastic Surgery Operating Room Playset. Complete with real silicone! Stick-on scar tissue! Inflatable breast balloons! Ken Psychiatry Outfit with comfy couch!-- A REALLY smartphone. No, a GENIUS-phone. I want a phone that automatically calls people that I’m thinking about or that I may have dreamed about one night and then tells me why. “Hey! I didn’t want to call my Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-76553810397104701082010-12-03T10:10:00.003-05:002010-12-03T10:13:41.713-05:00Urgent Questions XIIIIf Mr. Peanut came tip tapping into your house with his top hat and cane, would you join him in an impromptu tap dance routine, or would you crack that nut and make Mr. Peanut Butter?When stars fall from the sky, do you chase them running through moonlit wheat fields to see where they landed, or do you just wait for one to land on your house and put an end to your miserable existence? Hey, cheerMillions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-56734576789826445402010-11-15T18:38:00.003-05:002010-11-15T18:51:48.854-05:00BICWWIGBicwwig.Meet my new work motto. It applies to everything I do each minute that I do it. The Best I Can With What I Got.I manage a team of three bodies. I say bodies, because they breathe and are alive.Otherwise? Bicwwig.I gave one of the dudes an assignment to copy some files from one server to another. The files got copied all right. Right into the recycle bin. I fired a ninja throwing Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-10964524946499490652010-11-08T13:38:00.001-05:002010-11-08T13:40:01.177-05:00The color of embers in a dying winter fireI went to a birthday party with my kids this past weekend. It was at a place called “Bounce U” which is basically just a few huge rooms with giant inflatable slides and bouncy things. Oh, and screeching kids. It has that too. It also has snot and crying kids. And pizza. One of the workers there was a 20 year old girl with a “smartphone” and a giant head. ‘Was the head inflatable?’ he askedMillions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-42271038890992710682010-10-18T20:01:00.004-04:002010-10-18T20:15:48.069-04:00Mea culpaI know, haven't been around lately. It's the dog days of Autumn and a tornado ate my homework. My keyboard got stolen. My laptop ran away. My house got sick. Er.I've turned into one of those thumb-typing smartphone-absorbed parents that I hate. I'm kind of embarrassed about that. I'm going to Droid rehab for the next two months. They make you write letters and actually sit and talk to Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-19652858563354590652010-09-16T14:38:00.004-04:002010-09-16T15:41:13.405-04:00Lotus Notes is a BusybodyQuick mini-rant here:Lotus Notes is an email software developed by IBM that we use at my company. It was made out of granite and fire in 1723 and hasn't been upgraded since then. I tried to attach an Excel spreadsheet to an email and gunpowder fell out of the screen. It's old.Anyway, I was tippy typing away on an important memo today about very important coroporate-type stuff and I happened Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-16990818573716604452010-09-14T10:34:00.002-04:002010-09-15T09:36:26.271-04:00That’s How Much I Love YouI have cheated on you twenty-five times in the past ten years. That works out to under three times a year, which is well below the national average.That’s How Much I Love YouI went to see Twilight with you and disguised my vomiting by putting my entire head inside the super sized popcorn bucket so you could still enjoy looking at Taylor Lautner’s abs.That’s How Much I Love YouI opened a checkingMillions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-36792256708969153132010-09-13T00:01:00.000-04:002010-09-13T00:01:01.005-04:00It's a Major Award!Well, it appears as though someone besides my therapist is reading this blog. I have been named "Blogger of Note" at Words of Wisdom! Needless to say, I am humbled and very appreciative. There are tons of great blogs featured there all the time, you should go check the site out.For any new readers who get caught in this verbal bear trap: Welcome. You will find after seconds of reading the Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-77797933479966857592010-09-09T09:20:00.002-04:002010-09-09T09:23:42.212-04:00Book of Lucille: Verse 10, Chapter 11And so during the End of Days, a great fire came down upon the Earth. And that fire started many smaller fires. And those smaller fires started many little campfires. Everyone had little isolated cookouts and ate many bratwursts and hot dogs and hamburgers and drank copious amounts of beer while trying to ignore the raging inferno that started the whole thing. True to form, America ate more Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-48518571664160315592010-08-13T11:13:00.002-04:002010-08-13T11:16:48.457-04:00Book of Buster: Verse 10, Chapter 45When the Angels return triumphantly from the fields of Holy Battle, they will probably get drunk that very same night. If you don’t want any Holy trouble, just stay home. Drunk Angels are constantly looking for fights and usually end up vomiting on God’s sandals. I don’t need to tell you how pissed He gets when that happens. Ever see a solar eclipse? That is God in the middle of a Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-52208822443301438122010-08-06T10:07:00.007-04:002010-08-06T10:13:25.820-04:00Burning Questions, part the 12thWhen someone tells you to “put that in your pipe and smoke it” do you reply with ‘Well I already did that last night…except…except the pipe was your butt and the…thing that…you want me to smoke was your mom…in your butt.’? You really have to work on your comebacks, compadre.Do crowded malls make you think of how commercialism has completely taken over our culture; falsely implanting thoughts Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-46747139648525710942010-08-02T13:28:00.009-04:002010-08-02T13:56:30.594-04:00Quick HitsI decided today, after many long hours of contemplation, that I am a “torso man”. I love a long torso; at least a 3:1 torso to leg ratio. Please post your ratios so I know what I’m dealing with here. My wife has an amazing ratio, which is why I married her of course. No other reason. It’s important, OK? If your ratio is sub-standard, there are many stretching exercises you can do. Work on Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-77616909982526971882010-07-22T11:16:00.006-04:002010-07-22T11:37:28.220-04:00Lyric Analysis Master Class Day 2I hope you were paying attention during the last class. Today's lesson is much more advanced and in general much more important than the introductory class. To review, musical artists sometimes hide hidden meanings and philosophical commentary in the lyrics of their songs. This class will attempt to extract those meanings and make you better people in the process. Open your ears, close your Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-73499651278641144942010-07-15T13:48:00.007-04:002010-07-15T14:01:01.861-04:00Oh Language, how I despise TheeI wrote this post a while back about phrases and common sayings that I have grown to hate or that just generally confuse me. I came up with a few more. In keeping with the tradition of making 99 percent of blog posts on the internet about things that bother people (I put in a request to rename it the “Bother-net”) here are some choice words and prhases that bother me. I am not excluding myself Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-27693184002817789642010-07-14T09:22:00.002-04:002010-07-14T09:24:24.745-04:00Book of Maebe: Verse 99, Chapter 2Hold hands with Jesus whilst you walk the path of enlightenment. If ye chose to not hold hands, ye could get hurt. And make sure ye look both ways before crossing the road of the damned. Hey, don’t let go of Jesus’ hand! HOLD HANDS WITH JESUS! That’s it I’m taking all of your coloring books and crayons away! I SAID HOLD HANDS! Fine, get run over by a chariot, see if I care! WHY WON”T YOU Millions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-71608849827309199172010-07-12T09:22:00.002-04:002010-07-12T09:29:46.217-04:00Kids say the darndest Russian thingsI haven’t written about my kids in a while, so let’s remedy that. I have three year old twins. One boy, one girl. Or two gender non-specific demons, whichever way you want to count. My daughter has lately taken to saying things like “I don’t like your voice!” and then frowning at me very dramatically; usually when I’m asking her to do something she doesn’t want to do. The odd part about thisMillions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3425089486661970646.post-82709343379847541562010-07-08T11:10:00.003-04:002010-07-08T15:12:21.882-04:00Self PortraitMillions Of Atoms Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09255606669226551060noreply@blogger.com3