Wheel of Nonsense

This is a theory I’ve had floating around in my head for far too long. Thanks to the good people who created ‘The Internet’ I finally have the forum to detail this for you good people. Just making this available in public subjects me to possible assassination, so I hope you appreciate what I’m about to tell you.

The American game show, Wheel of Fortune, is fixed. It is a sham; a total fabrication. Really, it is.

Watch the next episode of this show. Pay close attention to your screen at the end of the show, during the credits. Ready? The wheel, the basis for the entire monetary reward system of the show, is spinning BY ITSELF! I swear the thing is running on a motor. What is stopping the producers from hitting a switch to temporarily juice the wheel onto the bankrupt space? 5,000 dollars? I don’t think so. Turn on the motor…wait for it…and bankrupt. Who is monitoring Pat Sajak? Is Vanna White under surveillance?

Multiple telegrams to the Governor have been returned to me unopened. Numerous letters to the White House have gone unanswered. Countless emails to God have gone un-replied to. One impassioned speech to my son, my only son, was met with a knowing smile. He gets it. I digress. I am opening this story wide open now in the hopes that someone out there will pick up the torch and run with it. By doing this, I put me and my entire family at risk. The Wheel must be stopped. Please do not buy any more vowels.

Please do what you can to end this national travesty. Thank you.

Thats Amore?

When. The.

Moon hits-a your eye like-a big pizza pie

It fucking hurts.

Let's compare "Amore" to something a little more pleasant.

When. Your.

Fat little feet avoid stepping in sheet
That's Amore.

When you open your mouth and two dollars come out
That's Amore.

I know all 'bout Amore.

Book of Bluth: Verse 2, Chapter 3

And lo it was written that the heavens would open and bring down a golden egg unto the hands of the Chosen One. The Chosen One would be found to be hungry, so he would make a golden omelet thus severely devaluing the miracle egg from heaven. The heavens would close up again quickly and realize the folly of dropping a golden egg on any human as they often overlook the inherent value of heavenly objects and eat a lot of things they shouldn’t. The heavens would then be told that they should have listened to their wife, and will no doubt be reminded of this fact all throughout the holidays. Glory to the egg catchers and their wives.