Book of Lucille: Verse 10, Chapter 11

And so during the End of Days, a great fire came down upon the Earth. And that fire started many smaller fires. And those smaller fires started many little campfires. Everyone had little isolated cookouts and ate many bratwursts and hot dogs and hamburgers and drank copious amounts of beer while trying to ignore the raging inferno that started the whole thing. True to form, America ate more than the entire world combined because America is the fattest land in God’s entire Universe. God used the fire test to redesign Americans with much smaller mouths and no stomachs. His Will Be Done.