Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lotus Notes is a Busybody

Quick mini-rant here:

Lotus Notes is an email software developed by IBM that we use at my company. It was made out of granite and fire in 1723 and hasn't been upgraded since then. I tried to attach an Excel spreadsheet to an email and gunpowder fell out of the screen.

It's old.

Anyway, I was tippy typing away on an important memo today about very important coroporate-type stuff and I happened upon the need to type the word "uninstall" as in:

"I would love to uninstall Lotus Notes and send it to the woodshed for a proper whipping."

So the ubiquitous red squiggly line appears under "uninstall" which is Lotus Notes' way of saying:

"Heyyyyy mister, I don't rightly recognize this here word 'uninstall'. What is that, some kind of new-fangled whosy whatsit?"

*tobacco spit*

*spitoon ding*"

Turns out, Lotus Spell Checker has a major issue with this word. So I right-click on the squig to see what the mighty Lotus suggests I do with it. Instead of a list of possible re-spellings or alternate definitions, I get this:

"No suggestion."

Oh? No suggestion? You went out of your way to squig my word and now you are backing away with your hands up saying "I just know its bad, I don't know what to do with it though! It's bad! I know it!"

Don't give me crap for words that you don't even have the slightest inkling of how to handle.

"That one got too many letters! Squig it!"

"That one is wayyy to fancy-like for this here email! Squig it!"

"Me don't like! Too many big letters in front of small letters!"

Lotus Notes is the equivalent of Fisher Price email for toddlers, if such a thing were to exist.

That is all.

5 reaction(s)::

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Lotus Notes should have known better than to mess with a blogger - now I bet Lotus Notes is all embarrassed, hiding in the corner of the Internet, horrified all have seen it's shame.

Paige said...

oh lotus notus...

Dan said...

And don't get me started on Word when it goes all mental and starts suggesting that my perfectly spelt English words has to be changed into your bastardised American.



You lot need to start speaking proper English, like wot we lot do, innit?

CkretsGalore said...

Oh wow...I've heard such stories of this "Lotus Notes." I thought it was burned along with some books.

JenJen said...

Shit! You nailed this one. We have it at my office too, and when I was hired and then told to install lotus I went....HUH? Is it still called 1, 2, 3? WTF.

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