Friday, January 9, 2009


This is a fun game I like to play and maybe you will enjoy it too. Watch a movie. That’s not the game, hold on a second, I’m getting to it. At some random point during the movie, usually at a climactic scene somewhere in the middle, imagine if the director as a cruel joke decided to fade to black and run the credits. These are the types of things that make me laugh.

Now, a scene from “The Karate Kid”, already in progress:

*music playing* Danger! Everywhere you turn…
*Daniel-san is running across a dark field at night. He is being chased by almost every member of the Cobra Kai dojo who are dressed in skeleton costumes*
*Daniel runs into the fence separating the field from Mr. Miyagi’s office/home/workshop. He tries to scale the fence, but it is too late. Johnny and the rest of the Cobra Kais catch up to him and pull him down.*
Johnny: You couldn't leave well enough alone, could you, little twerp? No, you had to push it. Well, now you're gonna pay!
Skeleton 2: Where are you going, sweetheart?
Skeleton 3: How about a front kick, Johnny?


Look, I already know I’m crazy. That goes without saying, or with saying, whichever. The beauty of this game is, you can play the credits game at home whenever you want. It’s a hoot and a holler, and plenty of knee-slapping fun too!

We now join “The Shawshank Redemption” already in progress:

Red: *narrating* But then, in the spring of 1949, the powers that be decided that...
Warden Samuel Norton: The roof of the license-plate factory needs resurfacing. I need a dozen volunteers for a week's work. As you know, special detail carries with it special privileges.
Red: *narrating* It was outdoor detail - and May is one damn fine month to be working outdoors.


Just once, I would love to work at a movie theater and attempt something like this. Just splice the film reels and put the fade to black followed by the credits right after that line. Imagine the reactions! These are the things I think about. I know I would get greedy though, and eventually I would just put the credits first, right after the previews, and really mess people up. I feel like leading with the credits of a movie could cause some kind of time-space wormhole or something and the whole earth might start spinning backwards.

We now join “Forrest Gump” already in progress:

*Forrest is sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. There is a lady sitting next to him. Forrest leans over and introduces himself*
Forrest: Hello. My name's Forrest. Forrest Gump. Do you want a chocolate? I could eat about a million and a half of these.


I like to think of things and do things to amuse myself. My poor wife gets caught in the crossfire, but hey she knew what she was signing up for. The only real world occurrence of this awesome exercise happened in the last episode of the Sopranos. Imagine my surprise! I should have had this idea copyrighted, or trademarked, or patented, or simonized, or bronzed, or flash-frozen, or embalmed or something. I haven’t even told you the most embarrassing part yet. Sometimes when it’s late at night, and no one is around, I’ll open up a bottle of vodka and…

Blogger: Eric
Daniel-San: Ralph Machio
Johnny: William Zabka
Skeleton 2: Sir John Gielgud
Skeleton 3: Meryl Streep
Red: Morgan Freeman
Warden Norton: Bob Gunton
Forrest Gump: Tom Hanks
Lady on Bench: Dame Judy Dench
Key Grip: Marv Levy
Best Boy: Jake
Director: Eric
Assistant to Eric: Flavor Flav
Sound Editor: Sir Elton John
Public figure with inflated sense of self-importance: Oprah Winfrey
Capitalization: e.e. cummings
Stunt Coordinator: Scut Farkus
Animal Wrangler: Jean Claude Van Damme

No animals were harmed during the writing of this blog.

All resemblance of characters in this blog to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Soundtrack available on Arista Records

Copyright 2008 Lincoln Blog Productions

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