Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Google needs to be taught a lesson

Today, I typed ‘millionsofatoms’ into Google to see what came up. Google had the audacity to say ‘Did you mean millionsoftoys’ in its annoying Google-y voice and stuck up attitude. To hide my embarrassment at secretly wanting to mean that (I mean, millions of toys? Who wouldn’t mean that?) I slapped Google around and berated it for being so damned stupid. Then I paused and had an energy drink to get my strength back. Then I went back to Google who was cowering in the corner trying to stop the bleeding and said:

“No, Google, I meant ‘millionsofmindyourowngoddamnedbusiness’” *backhand*

I then Googled myself and went to sleep.

DISCLAIMER: Google is a technology and not a person or a thing with physical properties. Please do not try to slap Google or otherwise attack it. Google has been proven to cause lung cancer in lab rats. Do not try to eat Google or otherwise consume it. Google should never be inserted directly into the anus. This could cause death or cancer or both at once. Please to not place Google on your head or use Google as a safety apparatus. Please do not use Google on an icy surface as it has been shown to cause severe head trauma at high speeds. Please do not speak directly to Google or look at Google for longer than 12 seconds. Prolonged exposure to Google can result in blindness and pre-term labor in pregnant women and lab rats. You CAN refer to Google as ‘Gooble’ because that is what my son calls it and anything he says is correct.

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