Tuesday, July 14, 2009

New Reality Show Preview

*TV screen darkens. Ominous music plays as wisps of smoke play across the frame. A voice intones*

This summer on Fox: Watch as 10 strangers meet in a remote location…

*brief shot of a man in his twenties wearing a backwards baseball cap* I had no idea where we were going, I was just thinking to myself: ‘There better be some hot women there!’

They have no idea where they are or why they are there…

*another brief shot of a girl in her twenties, scantily clad* I was like, ‘Where are we?’ My makeup is all screwed up, and my IPod ran out of batteries like twenty minutes ago!

All they know is, they will soon be involved in the most outrageous adventure of their lifetime…

*another brief shot of a 30-something man in a business suit* As soon as I got off the plane, I thought, ‘Game On. Game ON. Game mother-*bleep*-ing on. Bring it! Oh, and game on.’

Join us this summer as 10 idiots are dumped on an island with each other. After one night of gratuitous sex, untold volumes of alcohol consumed and unprovoked fighting amongst themselves, they are awakened with a surprise…

*the sound of a drum being loudly beaten is heard, followed by a fade in to a tall figure, dressed as a woman, with a badly-fitting wig and harshly drawn makeup* Welcome to Hell, bitches!

Welcome to: Transvestite Island!

Watch as this melting pot of American culture is immediately thrown into a chaotic world where they are hunted by 10 Transvestites from the streets of New York!

*cut to a shot of ‘Trixie’, a shockingly made up Transvestite, wearing a bright colored dress and a helmet.* All I know is, I’m fixin’ to ram this bow and arrow up some *bleep* *bleep*!

The contestants have nowhere to turn, so they must take to the jungles and beaches to survive as long as possible. Watch as the half-wits form alliances, attempt to plot out strategies, and avoid the all-seeing eyes of the ‘Tranny Tribe’

*cut to a shot of ‘LaTony’ She appears to be over seven feet tall, with a bright blonde wig and black lipstick drawn crudely over her lips. She holds a large sledgehammer in one hand, letting it drop to the ground with a dull thud* There ain’t no way I’m leavin’ without baggin’ at least 3 of these biatches. Bring it! I ain’t *bleep*-in around here, you *bleep*-in mutha-*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in your *bleep* mutha-*bleep* up your *bleep*-in *bleep*!

At the end of each episode, the first contestant hunted and caught by the ‘Tranny Tribe’ will be voted into a ‘Tranny Swap’ where they must have their genitals surgically swapped with an island-dwelling monkey’s…

*cut to the same man from earlier in the business suit* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I have a MONKEY-*bleep*! I have MONKEY-*bleep*!

They will then be forcibly removed from the island and sent back to their normal life, where we will watch them try to shop, get a job, and generally get through life with a new hilarious set of hastily sewn on monkey genitals...

*Cut to a surveillance camera shot of a nervous looking man at a store counter buying cigarettes. The clerk recognizes him.* Hey, I saw you on TV! What’s it like having a monkey *bleep*? *the man cries and throws the cigarettes at the clerk, running from the store. The clerk taunts him as he runs.* Monkey *bleep*! Monkey *bleep*!

The dim-bulb that makes it all the way to the end gets a check for one thousand American dollars, a blonde wig and a darling blue cocktail dress! The stakes are high, the tension even higher, this summer…

*brief flashing cuts of people running in terror through foliage and down beaches, followed by flashes of Transvestites in various types of hunting gear and carrying different types of weapons screaming and flying out of trees, swinging on giant ropes, and riding Jet Skis from the ocean onto the beach. A man is cornered in an alcove when from around a large tree a 300-pound Transvestite wielding a chainsaw and growling appears. One team of Transvestites is seen setting a trap with some thinly stretched fishing wire and a large explosive device, laughing maniacally*

This summer, you won’t want to miss what happens on…TRANSVESTITE ISLAND!

*cut to a close-up of two eyes, with a tear running down one dirty cheek* They took…my…genitals! My GENITALS! DEAR GOD, NOOO-- *audio cuts suddenly as the music rises to a crescendo and stops with a cymbal crash and some disjointed piano notes*

This summer on Fox! Right after The Simpsons! On Fox!

2 reaction(s)::

Jason said...

Great site man. I was wondering if we could possible exchange links. Let me know what you think about my humor blog.

Jason

CB said...

"audio cuts suddenly as the music rises to a crescendo and stops with a cymbal crash and some disjointed piano notes"

That really cracked me up... I love hilarious ends, and you always deliver it here on your blog. Great job!!

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