Unnecessarily Confrontational

A co-worker cheerily came up to me today and said "Whatcha havin for breakfast, Champ?"

I said, "Fuck You Charms. They're magically awful."

Yes, it was totally uncalled for. Especially since I was eating a bagel. I'm no champ, so don't treat me as such. I'm not even a contender today, maybe top 50. Maybe.

So I continued down the hallway and another co-worker innocently asked for the time of day. I said, "Half past yo momma. Oh wait, I'm sorry, I misread my watch. *squinting at my bare wrist* It is five past my balls." He ran away in tears. I may be hard to deal with, but I tell it like it is. The time in my world is five past my balls. Don't ask questions to which you do not want the answer.

The piece de resistance (translation: The piece of resistance) came when a third coworker met me at my desk and said "Great weather out there, isn't it?" To which I replied, "Sure, if you like insecticides." He then asked me what I meant, at which pont I screamed in his face, "ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?!" Hey, you got me, I am difficult to get along with.

He called HR on me. Bad move, man.

Bad move.