Holiday PSA

And now, a public service announcement:

In this holiday time of giving and charity, you should know a little something about the country you live in.

There are people suffering. Right now. Right down the street from where I live. Maybe right down the street from where you live, in your neighborhood. In your community.

There are over ten million babies with no parents to watch over them in the greater DC Metro area.

Ten million.

Someone, not me because I’m very busy, but someone needs to get down there right away and get them the hell out of there, chop chop. They are just pissing and shitting all over the commuters. Pissing and shitting and shitting and pissing all over the commuters and the shoppers. It is like the worst possible hell you could imagine. The smell! Lord almighty! And the crying? You can’t even imagine. All the people at Starbucks are puking all over the place. I mean pissing and shitting and snot and crying like you wouldn’t believe. The people shopping can’t even move without stepping on fat little babies toes or slipping and falling in just rivers of piss and baby shit.

Please, do what you can this holiday season. Thank you.