My Newest Hit Country Song

I admit, I have been inspired lately by country music. I started writing my own country ballad last night, and I think I have a hit on my hands. I think that’s what is on my hands *looking closely at my hands*. Anyway, here are the lyrics to the next “Song of the Year” at the 2010 Grammys. You heard it here first.

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Jesus, Hold My Balls

VERSE:
In the dark and lonely night
I see a shining star
I walk into the light
And there you are

The water on my hands
Gives me a quiet calm
I drop my pants
Adopt a stance
And sing you this song…

CHORUS:
Jesus, Hold My Balls
While I pee
It takes the strength of two good men
To get the piss out of me
And when the time arrives
I will look to you on high
Jesus, Hold My Balls
For me

VERSE:
As I expel the last golden drop
I sympathize
With every other man on earth
Who has tears in his eyes

No one there to help him
No one there to care
No one there to cradle his nuts
What an unlucky pair!

CHORUS (with Gospel Choir):
Jesus Held my Balls
For Me
It took the combined effort
Of two men, now I’m urine-free
But now he won’t let go
I wish he would let go
Jesus, let go of my balls
Pretty Please
Jesus, I’m done, let go
Thank Ye

OUTRO – FADE:

Jesus, I’m serious, let go

Jesus, what is your problem?

Look, you helped, and I’m grateful, now, get going.

Shoo.

Really, thanks for everything; I’m going back to bed.

Adios? Vaya Con Dios?

FADE OUT

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There you have it. I’ll wait until you wipe your tears. There you go. There you go. It’s OK. I’m working on the music next. Hopefully I’ll get into the studio within the next couple of months. I’m looking to shop this song around to Carrie Underwood, Tim Urban, Brad Paisley or maybe even Randy Travis. If I can’t get one of them on board, maybe Weird Al Yankovic will take a shot. Either way, I’m going to be rich and famous. So long suckers!