Friday, December 19, 2008

Clubbed Thumbs

My sister-in-law has an unhealthy obsession with “Clubbed Thumbs”. From Wikipedia: “A clubbed thumb is a term used to describe the genetic clubbing of one or both thumbs. It is characterized by a particularly short thumb that is round in section and bulbous at the end. The thumb nail is very wide and short. The scientific term for clubbed thumb is Brachydactyly type D or BDD". This is a medical condition which gives the person in question unusually large thumbs, almost like big toes on their hands; like when Tom gets his thumb slammed by a giant mallet wielded by Jerry. My sister-in-law is fascinated by this condition, and secretly stares at people's thumbs searching for this rare occurrence in public.

I gave this a lot of thought, probably too much, and I decided that it would actually be a good thing to have clubbed thumbs. Here are some reasons why:

1. People with clubbed thumbs are gold medalists in hitchhiking. They could hitchhike all the way to Mars and back if they wanted to.
2. Guaranteed win in any thumb wrestling tournament. It would be like King Kong Bundy wrestling Emmanuel “Webster” Lewis.
3. Clubbed Thumbers can kick a soccer ball with their hands.
4. If you are ever in a car accident, and the emergency response teams are late with the Jaws of Life, a clubbed thumb-haver can save your life with their built in “Thumbs of Life”. You will be out of any mangled wreck of a car in 5 minutes or under. Every time, guaranteed.
5. Built in movie screen. Just hold your thumb up and project a movie onto your thumbnail.
6. Imagine if Roger Ebert had clubbed thumbs? A “two thumbs up” from him would translate into a 500 billion dollar gross at the box office, just from movie-goers being overwhelmed into attending.
7. No more hidden crib sheets for important tests. Write every math problem ever on the ball of your thumb, and leave the magnifying glass home…
8. Tennis racket optional at the country club.
9. Built in fly swatter. Or in this case, “fly atomic bomb”.
10. Portable puppets.

The list goes on and on. Don’t be so fast to condemn clubbed thumb folks. They have many advantages (listed above, and that is just the tip of the thumb-berg). I think they are endearing, sweet little appendages. Give some love to a clubbed thumber today for the holidays. They may just save your life one day.

15 reaction(s)::

Caba said...

You are a funny yet strange man.

Anonymous said...

U r an idiot

Millions Of Atoms Man said...

M I?

Anonymous said...

I am very dissappointed. I thought I would find some kind of educated articles on why my thumb is abnormal. your website is a joke.

Anonymous said...

Umm so I actually have BDD and this is completely inaccurate.
Brachydactyly D does not make your thumbs "unusually large." If anything, the opposite-- my clubbed thumb is roughly half an inch shorter and half an inch wider than my normal thumb, but only at the top.

Did you even read what you got from wikipedia? It doesn't ever say in there that clubbed thumbs are larger than normal ones. Just bulbous at the top, which is not the same thing as huge.

Anonymous said...

That's offensivve!

Anonymous said...

I was very disappointed in your article. I have 2 clubbed thumbs and sometimes it makes it hard to do things....like text....I find your article offensive to us club thumb people.

Anonymous said...

I think it's hilarious, I and my sister have 2 of them each and, I think they are cute and u can't get offended when people look and laugh at them, because yes we all know they are funny looking why else would we be reading any of these comments, because yes they r kinda strange,, I think it's funny people notice them and i am glad God has given me my "shovel" thumbs He made me perfect and that is what they are, perfect for me. I just can't believe that there are more people out there who have them too. Sweet.... Embrace them, love them :)

Anonymous said...

I think it's hilarious, I and my sister have 2 of them each and, I think they are cute and u can't get offended when people look and laugh at them, because yes we all know they are funny looking why else would we be reading any of these comments, because yes they r kinda strange,, I think it's funny people notice them and i am glad God has given me my "shovel" thumbs He made me perfect and that is what they are, perfect for me. I just can't believe that there are more people out there who have them too. Sweet.... Embrace them, love them :)

Anonymous said...

Meanie!

Anonymous said...

Haha- someone put the link to this on our facebook brachydactyly page. Be prepared for some flack from some folks whose senses of humor are stubbier than their thumbs!

Anonymous said...

This was very offensive!! U asshole! I hope your child has a clubbed thumb and we will c whos laughing at them! Jerk!

Anonymous said...

This may be the funniest post I've read in a long time. The clubbed thumbers that are responding to this really need to relax and stop getting their club up in arms! It's funny!! You can't deny that the bulbous shape of the clubbed thumb is not interesting. So you get a few laughs from a weird shapped thumb. Get over it!

Anonymous said...

For a strange reason, I've developped a fetish for womens with wider thumbs than mine (a very rare fetish that consist of comparing the size of our thumbs and be turned on when the women has bigger thumbs than mine, I've found 3 other men having this on all the net), so when I see a girl or a women with "Clubbed Thumbs", I can't help but to stare at them and I wish I could compare them with mine! Weird, but hey, I was born like that! lol BTW, I'm a 35yo men with thin thumbs (the width of an american penny). :)

Anonymous said...

Haha this was so funny to read, me and my sister both have clubbed thumbs too and think they're really cute >.<

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