Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Facebook Quizzes

I recently took a quiz on Facebook titled: ‘What crazy bitch are you?’ My result was Sinead O’Connor, which makes sense because I have a shaved head and I once tore up a picture of Mickey Mouse outside of Disneyworld to protest the fact that the Disney Corporation wouldn’t let me publish my book ‘It’s a Small Girl After All’: my semi-autobiographical account of the world’s first midget transvestite. I guess ‘Mr. Toad’s Wild Gay Parade’ and ‘Space Mountain: A look at the heart of Colombia’s heroin trade...and roller coasters’ are out of the question.

 I have so many unpublished books.

The quiz reminded me of an awesome day when I went to McDonalds and ordered two “Quintuple Cheeseburgers”. The drive thru attendant responded by saying ‘What kind of crazy bitch are you?’ to which I responded, ‘the fat kind, now make with the quints.’ Although I may have been banned from that particular location, the other McDonald’s eateries are still ‘Open for Business’ as they say.

Facebook is awesome. I found out so many interesting things about myself through seemingly hundreds of quizzes and tests set up by Facebook experts. For instance, I found out the following:

--What kind of pee are you? (Canary Yellow)
--If your entire body were one big fist, what surface would you strike first? (Sinead O’Connor, which is so ironic in at least two or three ways)
--What kind of ass are you? (Jack. I was pulling for “Horse’s” but I think question 4 had a racial bias...)
--If you were a character in the Facts of Life, which character would you be? (Tootie, which I already knew, but it’s nice to have it confirmed in an official capacity)
--What crazy periodical element are you? (Berylium, but that’s a no-brainer. Tell me something I don’t know, Facebook!)
--If hair was free, how much hair would you have? (100 pounds. The questions seemed to have nothing to do with hair, but ‘In Facebook We Trust’. Ah, if only hair were free. Facebook is like a fantasy wonderland.)
--What kind of morose sad sack are you? (This quiz had no questions. Somehow I think the quiz question itself was the only question)
--If Facebook had to borrow some money, how much money could Facebook borrow from you? C’mon, you know Facebook is good for it, right? (I don’t know, a hundred bucks I guess?)
--What internet abbreviation are you? (‘QT’. A lot of my friends were ‘CUL8R’ which is so them!)
--What cup of tea are you? (Earl Grey, which delighted me to no end!)
--What bone are you? (Fibula)
--What candy corn are you? (Candy Corn. *shrug* I don’t know what I expected.)
--What kind of wild accountant are you? (Tax extension processor. Aw yeah!)
--What sort of freakish librarian are you? (Cardigan sweater wearing.)

Go take some quizzes and report back so I can learn something about you. I’m especially interested in hearing which characters on the A-Team you all would be.

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