Thursday, March 26, 2009

Conversation at a Diner

Two men sit at a table by the window of a local diner. They are unaware of the stares they are getting from the other diner patrons. They look serious and appear to be sizing each other up.

Man 1: *slowly sipping a cup of coffee* Do you realize what my name is?
Man 2: *leaning forward in a challenging manner* Do you realize what mine is?
Man 1: I will bet you mine is more unusual.
Man 2: I’ll take that action.
Man 1: Boozle.
Man 2: Boozle?
Man 1: Exactly. Boozle Worthington. *offering his hand*
Man 2: Hmmm. *raising an eyebrow* Well played, Boozle. *shaking Boozle’s hand* What are you some sort of butler? Do you buttle?
Man 1: Hardly.
Man 2: Sounds like a Butler’s name. Like someone who enjoys an occasional buttle. May I call you “Boo”?
Man 1: If you do, I shall be forced to murder you.
Man 2: Well let me just say this: Floofy. Floofy Dubois.
Man 1: Dubois you say? Of the Beverly Hills Dubois’?
Man 2: No, of the Paris Dubois’.
Man 1: I should have known. No American citizen would name their child Floofy.
Man 2: As if a human being from any part of this Earth would name their son Boozle? My dear man, you disgust me.
Man 1: Because of my name?
Man 2: No, because of your nudity.
Man 1: Let’s just put all of our cards in the basket here, Floofy. You *sip of coffee* are nude as well.
Man 2: Touche, Boo.
Man 1: Boozle.
Man 2: As you wish…
Man 1: I wish for a great many things; such as the removal of your testicles from the windowsill.
Man 2: I only wanted to get a better view of the street. *sitting back down* I’m waiting for someone, you see.
Man 1: My dear Floofy, there is no need to take your package and mail it special delivery for the rest of the patrons of this fine eatery. *gesturing broadly to the rest of the room*
Man 2: *raising an eyebrow* Special it is, though, wouldn’t you agree Boo-Boo?
Man 1: It’s Boozle, and no, I wouldn’t.
Man 2: To each his own.
Man 1: You really put the ‘Ass’ in ‘Horse’s Ass’.
Man 2: Well you really put the ‘Bite Me’ in ‘Shut your mouth’.
Man 1: And I don’t even want to discuss the way you are stirring your coffee.
Man 2: *chuckles* Oh Boozy, you are such a ‘Nervous Nellie’.
Man 1: *looking up at the sky through the window* Looks like rain…
Man 2: Nice analogy.
Man 1: Well, you are making no sense, so it doesn’t surprise me that you find yourself completely unaware of our situation.
Man 2: Our situation, you say?
Man 1: I must admit it is serendipitous that we find ourselves here at this diner, at the same table, nude.
Man 2: Is it? Or is it an act of fate?
Man 1: You say tomato…
Man 2: We are being quite formal with each other, aren’t we Boozle?
Man 1: The situation requires it, Flute.
Man 2: *slamming his fist on the table suddenly, causing a woman at another table to let out a brief scream* It’s FLOOFY!
Man 1: *grinning* Yes, of course it is. *continuing to sip his coffee*
Man 2: *regaining composure* So, who wins the bet?
Man 1: Bet?
Man 2: Yes, the ‘most unusual name’ bet we made.
Man 1: Ah, yes. I think they are equally marvelous; and equally terrifying. Let’s call it a draw.
Man 2: A draw it is.
Man 1: You are quite hot-headed, aren’t you Floofy Dubois?
Man 2: That isn’t my name.
Man 1: *frowning in confusion* But, you said…
Man 2: That was before.
Man 1: Before what?
Man 2: Before the nudity.
Man 1: We’ve been nude the whole time here!
Man 2: Yes, well, my name is not Floofy. It is Joe. Joe Jones.
Man 1: Confession: My name is not Boozle Worthington. I’m Pete. Pete Johnson.
Man 2: *laughing and shaking his head* Why must we always invent different personalities like this?
Man 1: *grinning* Probably because we are nude.
Man 2: *raising his glass for a toast* And isn’t nude a wonderful way to be?
Man 1: *clinking his glass against the raised glass of Pete* Indeed Floof…I mean, Pete!

*A semi-automatic pistol falls loudly on the ground from Joe’s lap as Pete and Joe start laughing loudly with their heads thrown back, oblivious to the agitation of the other customers of this diner as they wonder when this hostage standoff will be resolved and they can be returned back to their normal, non-nude lives.*

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