Friday, March 13, 2009

Me-Bot

I decided that by the year 2030 I want to have a Robot created that is an exact duplicate of me. By then I think we should have the technology available to get this done. Naturally, if I’m getting a robot built, I’m going to make a few modifications. Here is a working list of what I want to include in my robot-self:

-- Laser eyes that can shoot through any solid surface.
-- The ability to sing the entire soundtrack from “Phantom of the Opera” note-perfect.
-- Flight.
-- Flame-producing fingertips, with an optional lightning add-on.
-- The ability to judge everyone on their flaws, and have those people thank me-bot for the effort.
-- The audacity to wear clashing colors and get away with it.
-- TV Screen in the chest-plate that plays constant reruns of “Arrested Development”.
-- Knee and elbow joints that have 360 degrees of flexibility so me-bot can perform psychotic dance moves that no one else can even hope to attempt.
-- Voice module that can reach a volume level of 250 decibels so that me-bot can always be heard when attempting to tell everyone what the real deal is.
-- Bulletproof Ass (coincidentally, also the name of the first band I was in).
-- Hair generator that can instantly restyle itself into any hair style I choose. Default hair style: Pete Rose.
-- A Metallic Eagle attached to me-bot’s shoulder that screeches piercingly every time anyone gets within 100 feet.
-- The ability to scream in 35 different languages.
-- Increased memory to allow the ability to instantly recall anyone’s face and make fun of it.
-- Wheeled feet that let me-bot roll at speeds up to 130 miles-per-hour to allow for high-speed chases and general freakish behavior (or ‘behaviour’ for our friends from Great Britain).
-- Explosives concealed in the palms of me-bot’s hands so that I can use me-bot to take over a third-world country, who would confuse me-bot for a God with a few well-timed claps and some ear-splitting screeches from the Metallic Eagle.
-- Edible Underwear.
-- Double-jointed hips so that me-bot can put a hand on its hip, jut it out to the side a little, and say “Oh no he didn’t!” while waving a finger with its other hand and shaking its head from side to side more and more dramatically until the head just starts rotating in place quicker and quicker until whoever was telling their silly story just leaves us alone.

I’m guessing you never considered having your own robot built in your likeness, but are now salivating at the thought of a robot that does the things I just mentioned? I thought so. I’ll let you know how the testing goes.

2 reaction(s)::

Anonymous said...

I want one!

Anne said...

I want one too!! LOL

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